Joke time....

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Hi Fred, This is Alan next door. I have a
confession to make.
I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and
have been trying to get the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't
happen again.
Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.


Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and
shot his neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a second message from his neighbor:


Hi Fred, This is Alan next door again. Sorry
about the typo on my last text.
I expect you figured it out anyway, and that you noticed
that darned Auto-Correct changed 'WiFi' to

Technology, hey?
Regards, Alan.

LOL, technology does have its downside.
Too soon?
Good thing I fly United, I need a good payday.
I'm surprised how far that has gone. United are screwing themselves. I use them, hopefully they beat me up to.
An old one, what kind of animal has an asshole on its back?

A police horse.
I fell asleep yesterday out on the patio with no shirt on and got a stiff neck.

Now i'm going out there today for a nap with no pants on !!!
Woman walks by the bathroom, sees man standing on scale sucking in his stomach.

She says " That is not going to help".

He says " Sure it does, It's the only way that I can see the numbers
A high school assignment was to ask a veteran about their WWII experience.

A student's grandfather happened to be a vet that served in the South Pacific.

While interviewing grandpa, the student asked " did you ever kill anyone?"

The vet got very quiet for a few minutes, then said

"probably, I was the cook."
Sharing this note received from a friend in North Dakota. What a morning he had!
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen
8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and
not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on.
8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could
be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : "Yeah, if it's up your a***"
8:52 My phone and broomstick are then seized and I'm taken away in a police car to the
police station while my neighbors are cheering.
9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.
Moral: When it's this cold, stay inside.

Latest posts