Old folks

RiponredTJ

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What do you do with them when they become incapacitated and how much does it cost to care for them properly in your neck of the woods?
 

havasu

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When my folks ended up needing help, I hired a live in crew that was there 24 hours a day. It ran me about $6200 a month. My G/F's mom had full blown Alzheimer's, so we sent her to convalescent home, which had a locked down facility, and that cost us about $5000 a month. Both were in Kommiefornia.
 

frodo

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heavy subject.

my wife and I, plus my 2 sisters, looked after my mom

stayed with her for 4 years round the clock, 24/7

we did everything, from cooking meals to wiping her butt

she passed on my watch christmas eve 2014

staying with her and caring for a person with demintia was the hardest thing i have ever done.

our family does not believe in old folks homes, they wiped my ass when i could not as a baby.

i return the favor when they are old. its called family.

if the person has demintia and sees shit that aint there. do not fight it, roll with it, fighting it is not worth it.

i have been told to order gravel for a concrete driveway, because it was wet.

and i have talked to a man in a purple suit about eggs touching the toast.

i have crazy stories about this subject.
 

oldognewtrick

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I'm going through it right now with my mom. She's 94 and I try and stop everyday and see her, put her in the wheel chair and take a walk around the grounds so she can see the flowers. She lives in a senior living center. It's $2K a month. I have a lady come in a couple times a week and help her with personal hygiene issues. I have to explain to her every visit that her mother doesn't come see her because she's been gone over 35 years. She remembers me, but not my dad who died in '88. I've learned to just go along with what she says and tell her that grandma lives in Florida. My dad died of cancer, living with dementia/Alzheimer's is a lot worse way to go. How I wish I had some siblings who could help out, but it's not about me...yet.
 

frodo

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you cant do it yourself, it is very very hard, my wife and i spent 3 days a week 24/7 and my sister spent 3 days


my mom was blessed with TRI CARE military insurance. if it wasnt for it. we would have put her in a home

, for live in help was $440.00 a week cash
that was what insurance paid
we started out with local help.
all we got were liars and thieves, shit come up missing, or strange purchase on her debit card.
so we ran all that shit off and did it with family.

caught one ho, she went to buy groceries,
rang up 2 purchases, her groceries and my moms, then the bitch had her daughter meet her at the gas pump. when she filled the van..filled her daughter
when i told her i was keeping her last weeks pay, because she was busted
she said she would call the law.
i told her GOOD, saves me the trouble. hurry up and call them.
LOL she could not get out of the house fast enough
 
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havasu

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Many folks do not know but the wives of our military personnel are eligible for survivor benefits to be used strictly for their care of themselves (convalescent care, dementia unit, etc), but the VA will not disclose this benefit, saying there is no money for this. The primary requirement is that their total money must amount to < $100,000 on paper. it took us 3 years to research this, but after the papers were filed, we received about $2k per month until she passed away. This money, along with her Social Security, virtually paid for her care.
 

RiponredTJ

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My dad had a major stroke on mother's day. He is fairly lucid but will never walk again. He was basically taking care of everything for my mom because she has serious memory issues. She's okay at basics like getting dressed, personal hygiene, cleaning up and gardening, but apart from that she is a lost cause.

On Monday. I finally manged to get my dad transferred from the Montreal Neurological Institute to a comfort care facility just up the street from my house. No more daily 2 hour drives into downtown with my mom to visit the old goat. An added bonus is that one of my sons works there, so dad sees his grandson more now than ever before. With that challenge behind me, the next one is to get my mom to leave the house and move in with him, but there's little choice. She needs to be fed, reminded to eat and basically guided with almost everything and my wife and I alone can't do it.

The two room suite I'm leasing for them costs a bit over $10K cdn per month, but it's a pretty posh place with great and caring employees that cater to ever whim. They have excellent food and a nice dining room, and I've started easing my mom into to place by picking her up just before lunch to visit dad while I go back to work for the afternoon, so she has been having lunch and dinner there for the last few days and it seems to be growing on her. She always did like being treated like a queen.

Because it's a private facility, I also had to supply the medical equipment for my dad like a hospital bed, geriatric chair, lift chair, hoist etc which let me tell you doesn't come cheap. Good thing they both had a living will which grants me power of attorney over their estate, else we'd be screwed.
 

havasu

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I am one of six children, but in my parents final years, I was the only child to care for the folk's needs. All the other siblings were just too busy to care, and would make a routine 20 minute visit once or twice a month. Boy, that sure changed once they passed away. They camped out at their house just waiting to receive their due inheritance. Sorry, but these money grubbing assholes can all just go to hell for all I care. It has been 6 years since this happened, and I really have disrespect for them. I only say this because everyone reading this has the power to change what occurs in the future, so make sure the kids understand their responsibilities now, before you decide how to divide your assets. soapbox
 

RiponredTJ

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My sister has called my mom once since my dad had his stroke. She did come visit twice for a couple of days, but you'd think she would call once in a while to talk to her mom and dad...dunno
 

oldognewtrick

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Mark, one of the neatest pictures I remember seeing on the internet was that of your dad at Hooters with the girls. Priceless.
 

Angie

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Thanks for this thread. I'm verging into this realm the last 4 years. Mom has Parkinson's but doing pretty well. Dad is 85, and his arthritis is getting worse. I've seen a lot of slowing down and not going with him the past two years. Mom never really wants to go anywhere.

We are talking about wills, power of atty, medical advanced directives, etc. My brother lives in Colorado and when he does come down here, he does not sit and talk. So, it's up to me. And at this time the talk is for me inheriting everything left. Brother has 49% owner ship of a larget HVAC company in Denver and the company owns two downtown blocks the city wants, so he doesn't need what's left. So, from all you have posted, seems as if I have a source to ask some questions. My other source is my Mom's sister is here and she's retired RN, nursing home Admin in IL and MO, and retired from being a nursing home inspector for state of MO. Thanks guys.
 
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My dad had a major stroke on mother's day. He is fairly lucid but will never walk again. He was basically taking care of everything for my mom because she has serious memory issues. She's okay at basics like getting dressed, personal hygiene, cleaning up and gardening, but apart from that she is a lost cause.

On Monday. I finally manged to get my dad transferred from the Montreal Neurological Institute to a comfort care facility just up the street from my house. No more daily 2 hour drives into downtown with my mom to visit the old goat. An added bonus is that one of my sons works there, so dad sees his grandson more now than ever before. With that challenge behind me, the next one is to get my mom to leave the house and move in with him, but there's little choice. She needs to be fed, reminded to eat and basically guided with almost everything and my wife and I alone can't do it.

The two room suite I'm leasing for them costs a bit over $10K cdn per month, but it's a pretty posh place with great and caring employees that cater to ever whim. They have excellent food and a nice dining room, and I've started easing my mom into to place by picking her up just before lunch to visit dad while I go back to work for the afternoon, so she has been having lunch and dinner there for the last few days and it seems to be growing on her. She always did like being treated like a queen.

Because it's a private facility, I also had to supply the medical equipment for my dad like a hospital bed, geriatric chair, lift chair, hoist etc which let me tell you doesn't come cheap. Good thing they both had a living will which grants me power of attorney over their estate, else we'd be screwed.
This spooks me. With Grandpa and Dad both getting to that 'Anything can happen at any moment' age, this is something I worry about.
 

frodo

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family is the biggest pain in the butt,

I have 2 sisters and a brother, my brother has passed
of my 2 sisters, one of them stole my dads silver coin collection and all of his /and 2 of mine
pistols.
i rescued the rifles
and replaced a $2000.00 pearl neckless with a jcpenny POs
when time came to clear the house and help get the property ready to sell. she did not show up
but had the fuking gall to ask how much money I made selling the stuff at auction and garage sales
I told her I made 15 dollars and spent her share on my lunch. lol

my other sister was right by my side the whole time helping with everything she could

here is some advice for everyone
sit down with your peoples and get them to write names on that huge stack of GD photos !!!!!!!!

I have hundreds of pictures of people I have no damn idea who they are.
and dont want to trash the pictures but. WTF do i want with them ?
 

RiponredTJ

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...We are talking about wills, power of atty, medical advanced directives, etc....
That is hugely important. Do it now even if it's unpleasant or meets with resistance.

My parents were very tight lipped about their affairs and thought they would live forever, so those things were never really discussed. I was lucky in two respects. Right after my dad had the stroke, we took mom to the bank and she somehow managed to scribble her name and give me and my sister power of attorney over their bank accounts, which have enough money to take care of them like royalty for the immediate future. My parents were also wise enough to both prepare mandates in the event of incapacity (living wills), which assigns us power of attorney over all their other assets (investments, real estate, jewelery, antiques etc etc) if they are no longer able to care for themselves.

There is so much good stuff that will have to be disposed of I don't know yet quite how to proceed. I would hate to sell it to some thieving dealer for pennies on the dollar.
 
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08Rescue

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My parents are still relatively young, but over the past 10 years we've gone through this with my grandparents.. My fathers father and mother lived with my Aunt.. It wasn't until my grandfathers final days that he was moved to the hospital...

My Moms parents moved in with my parents. My moms father had more income so they were able to hire care. My wife was one. That helped take a lot of stress off my mom.. However once my grandmother passed my grandfather who was still very mobile became very mean and ended up moving into an assisted living facility that was basically an apt building with AIDS that would stop in and check up on them.. He's the only one of my 3 deceased grandparents who passed away alone.. I hate that!! We were with my grand mother when she passed as well with my other grandfather..
 

'Cause

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My Grandparents are dead.
My Parents are dead.
My younger sister and brother are dead.

I have NOTHING from any of them.
 
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