Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
Floorist
The Almighty
A Hillbilly gets married,and on his wedding night he calls his father for advice on what to do since he had never been intimate with a woman before.
"We're in the bedroom pa what do we do now?".
Thinking that nature would take its course the father said"take her clothes off and then you both get into bed".
The Hillbilly calls his dad five minutes later she's nekid and we're in bed what do I do now?".
Knowing his son wasn't the brightest crayon in the box,his dad asks"did you take your clothes off too?".
"No" his son replies
"Well take off your clothes and get into bed with her ".
The son calls back a few minutes later and says "we're both nekid and in bed what do we do now?".
The fathers patience is quickly running out and he growls"just stick the hardest thing on your body where she pee's!".
The son calls back a minute later"okay pa I've got my head in the toilet bowl now what ?".......
"We're in the bedroom pa what do we do now?".
Thinking that nature would take its course the father said"take her clothes off and then you both get into bed".
The Hillbilly calls his dad five minutes later she's nekid and we're in bed what do I do now?".
Knowing his son wasn't the brightest crayon in the box,his dad asks"did you take your clothes off too?".
"No" his son replies
"Well take off your clothes and get into bed with her ".
The son calls back a few minutes later and says "we're both nekid and in bed what do we do now?".
The fathers patience is quickly running out and he growls"just stick the hardest thing on your body where she pee's!".
The son calls back a minute later"okay pa I've got my head in the toilet bowl now what ?".......
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Biden's new advisor on dentists
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Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Tampa and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Pelosi , "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Pelosi .
"That's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Pelosi , "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss ... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!" The teacher left the room
The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Pelosi , "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Pelosi .
"That's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Pelosi , "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss ... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!" The teacher left the room
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A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and
Places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up
And asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
One foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back
Into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter
As well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a
Beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says....
'Here. Rub it.'
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.......
'I will grant you one wish. Just ! One wish~~ each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says.......
'I want a million bucks!'
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks
And they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says......
'Y'know, I think Your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks,
Not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?
Places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up
And asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
One foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back
Into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter
As well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a
Beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says....
'Here. Rub it.'
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.......
'I will grant you one wish. Just ! One wish~~ each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says.......
'I want a million bucks!'
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks
And they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says......
'Y'know, I think Your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks,
Not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?
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