Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
oldognewtrick
In memory of
I wish it was that simple.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
WHY GRANDPA'S ARE DIFFERENT
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends.
Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
Not really, PaPa, it was boring,
We didn't see a single asshole, piece's of shit, horse's ass', blind bastards, dip shits, or sum bitches anywhere we went!"
We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw.
I really didn't have any fun.
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends.
Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
Not really, PaPa, it was boring,
We didn't see a single asshole, piece's of shit, horse's ass', blind bastards, dip shits, or sum bitches anywhere we went!"
We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw.
I really didn't have any fun.
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Can't stand not moding my scooter, to much time on my hands.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Elevating the meaning of a Cluster Fuck to entirely new levels...
Floorist
The Almighty
A blonde female bought herself a new Mercedes. She could drive the car during the day, but at night the car wouldn't move at all. She tried driving the car at night for a week with no luck.
Furious, she called the dealership, told them the problem and they sent a
mechanic to the house. The mechanic gave the car a thorough inspection
and could not find anything wrong.
Eventually, he asked the blonde, " Are you sure you're using the right gears?"
"Of course I am. I'm not stupid. I use "D" during the day and "N" at night!"
Furious, she called the dealership, told them the problem and they sent a
mechanic to the house. The mechanic gave the car a thorough inspection
and could not find anything wrong.
Eventually, he asked the blonde, " Are you sure you're using the right gears?"
"Of course I am. I'm not stupid. I use "D" during the day and "N" at night!"
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
Someone said "Let's face it, some of the people are mad about being told to wear masks bc they've been asked to wear them before-- or paper bags over their heads"
Floorist
The Almighty
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Chicago on the subject of modern nutrition.
“The rubbish we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is full of steroids and dye.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High trans-fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realize the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water
But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old woman in the front row raised her hand, and softly said:
“Wedding Cake?“
“The rubbish we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is full of steroids and dye.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High trans-fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realize the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water
But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old woman in the front row raised her hand, and softly said:
“Wedding Cake?“
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