Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
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SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached,
she extended her hand for the ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
----------------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store but she couldn't find one
big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy,
' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid
who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
-------------------------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway
and noticed a sign that read:
Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it,
the bridge is right in front of him and his truck
gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says,
'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says,
'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
----------------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of
tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you
not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a
serious personal injury, illness,
or a death in your immediate family,
but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room
raised his hand and asked,
'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled
knowingly at the student, shook her head
and sweetly said,
'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam
with your other hand.'
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
------------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached,
she extended her hand for the ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
----------------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store but she couldn't find one
big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy,
' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid
who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
-------------------------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway
and noticed a sign that read:
Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it,
the bridge is right in front of him and his truck
gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says,
'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says,
'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
----------------------------------------------------
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of
tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you
not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a
serious personal injury, illness,
or a death in your immediate family,
but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room
raised his hand and asked,
'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled
knowingly at the student, shook her head
and sweetly said,
'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam
with your other hand.'
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
If you're a senior you will understand this one.
If you deal with seniors, this should help you
understand them a little better,
and if you are not a senior yet,
some day you probably will be.
The 2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant
where the 'seniors special' was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs. '
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're
ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?'
my wife asked incredulously.
'Yes,' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!
We've been around the block more than once.
If you deal with seniors, this should help you
understand them a little better,
and if you are not a senior yet,
some day you probably will be.
The 2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant
where the 'seniors special' was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs. '
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're
ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?'
my wife asked incredulously.
'Yes,' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!
We've been around the block more than once.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
And this is why we don't take the dog camping with us....
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family,
in another city.
--------
George Burns
in another city.
--------
George Burns
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
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