Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Have you ever wondered that since everyone has a cell phone now days, nobody talks about UFO's like they use to?
Or Bigfoot!
Bigfoot is alive and well here in idaho and dont let no outsider tell you it aint.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a fucking mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my fucking pajamas? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the fuck did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid asshole?"
The husband replied: "Because he's thinking of getting married."
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a fucking mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my fucking pajamas? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the fuck did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid asshole?"
The husband replied: "Because he's thinking of getting married."
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
Frank Feldman
A man walked out into the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got in and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything, not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them, But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished, too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Oh, I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his wife."
A man walked out into the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got in and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything, not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them, But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished, too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Oh, I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his wife."
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Some old cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome prairie, and with the pride for which these men were famous, it was a night of bravado, rot gut whiskey, and many tall tales...
Frank, the hand from Wyoming says, I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.
Snake River Ben, from Idaho, couldn't stand to be bested. That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that ******* with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp - didn't even get a belly ache.
Old Coon River Dave, the cowboy from Sidney, Nebraska, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.
Frank, the hand from Wyoming says, I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.
Snake River Ben, from Idaho, couldn't stand to be bested. That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that ******* with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp - didn't even get a belly ache.
Old Coon River Dave, the cowboy from Sidney, Nebraska, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
I wonder if these are the MAGA folks that beat up that guy in Chicago?
oldognewtrick
In memory of
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