Joke time....

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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam.
She said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.
One smart male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?",
The whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, you can still use your other hand to write."
 

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Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
“Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty !” shouted Mary and the teacher said, “Very good” and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”
The Teacher fainted
 

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An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Still shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, “Did we pay our credit card bill yet?”
“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,” begged the wife. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him, “What was the hug for?”
The husband answers, “They’ll find us!”..
 

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Thibodeaux, decided to finally tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend, Clotile.
One evening, after the honeymoon, Thibodeaux was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence, she finally speaks. “Honey, me I been tinking. Now dat we married, I tink it’s time you quit hunting and fishing. Maybe you should sell you guns and you boat.”
Thibodeaux gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, “Mais cher, what’s wrong?”
“Dere for a minute, you was sounding like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screams, “I didn’t know you was married before!”
“I wasn’t!”
 

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Two good ol' boys in a Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one
afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your
trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she
got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and
squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says,
"Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!
 
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