Joke time....

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THE GOVERNMENT TODAY, ANNOUNCED THAT IT'S CHANGING IT'S EMBLEM TO A CONDOM, BECAUSE IT MORE ACCURATELY REFLECTS THE GOVERNMENT'S POLITICAL STANCE. A CONDOM ALLOWS FOR INFLATION, HALTS PRODUCTION, DESTROYS THE NEXT GENERATION, PROTECTS A BUNCH OF DICKS, AND GIVES YOU A SENSE OF SECURITY WHILE YOU'RE BEING SCREWED. IT JUST DOESN'T GET MORE ACCURATE THAN THAT!!! AGREE?
 
The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service.


All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't breedin our sheep; they're eatin' 'em!"

The meeting never really got back to order.
 
My goal for 2021 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.



Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese.

FINE, it was a pizza....OK, I ate a pizza! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?


A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.


Senility has been a smooth transition for me. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.


I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.


A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.



Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.


It's weird being the same age as old people.


When I was a kid I wanted to be older...this is not what I expected.


Chocolate is God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.


It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.


Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember.. Don't sing!


I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.



If you can't think of a word say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.


I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.


Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you're loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you're crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don't even like.


I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.



I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.


You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
 
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