Joke time....

oldognewtrick

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We've seen this warning before but it doesn't hurt to hear about it again...

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall

and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen

for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.



A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's,

Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by

surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam

while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out

to be quite traumatic.

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works; Two nice looking,college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, 'No', but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Oct. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also Nov. 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart.

So please, send this on to all the retired men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30PM.)
 

Floorist

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
 
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