Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Anybody with a bird feeder and are sick and tired of squirrels raiding the feeder will enjoy this.
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
An old Texas cattleman was nursing a small pitcher of beer at a bar, when a slender young man came in, looking very upset, and ordered three shots of pain-killer. The old cowman spoke up, "you look like your dog just died, son. ...What's your problem?"
"Well...I don't like talking about it...but I guess my personal privacy is the last of my concerns, now. I've just been diagnosed with full-blown, advanced AIDS. It's hard to accept, since I had no real warning...I guess I must have just skipped the early HIV symptoms."
The old cowman shook his head in sympathy. "Tell you what, son, lemme give you some advice, a recipe, that might do you some good. You take two cans of kidney beans, add six fresh habanero peppers, chopped fine and including all the seeds, add three rounded tablespoons of cayenne pepper, bring it to a boil, simmer for five minutes, and just spoon it all down, quick as you can stand the temperature."
"...Holy sh...! That sounds just dreadful...but I suppose I could do it. Will it cure AIDS?"
"Nah. But it might just give you a clue as to what your butt is for."
"Well...I don't like talking about it...but I guess my personal privacy is the last of my concerns, now. I've just been diagnosed with full-blown, advanced AIDS. It's hard to accept, since I had no real warning...I guess I must have just skipped the early HIV symptoms."
The old cowman shook his head in sympathy. "Tell you what, son, lemme give you some advice, a recipe, that might do you some good. You take two cans of kidney beans, add six fresh habanero peppers, chopped fine and including all the seeds, add three rounded tablespoons of cayenne pepper, bring it to a boil, simmer for five minutes, and just spoon it all down, quick as you can stand the temperature."
"...Holy sh...! That sounds just dreadful...but I suppose I could do it. Will it cure AIDS?"
"Nah. But it might just give you a clue as to what your butt is for."
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
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