Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Loved these!! LOL
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Not a joke but thought I'd share.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
My wife and I toss a coin to settle our arguments.
If the coin comes down, she wins, if it stays suspended in the air forever, I win.
If the coin comes down, she wins, if it stays suspended in the air forever, I win.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Evening.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
A blind guy and his dog were standing at a bus stop with a few other people. Dog raised his leg and peed on the blind guy’s leg. Guy digs in his pocket for a dog biscuit saying “here boy, here boy”.
Another guy says “Man are you nuts? That dog just peed on you and now you’re giving him a treat?”
Blind guy says “yeah, I’m trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!”
Another guy says “Man are you nuts? That dog just peed on you and now you’re giving him a treat?”
Blind guy says “yeah, I’m trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!”
Floorist
The Almighty
A State Trooper pulled an 87-year-old Texan woman over for speeding.
As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a concealed weapon permit.
Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask, “Do you have a gun in your possession?”
She replied in her crackly voice, “Indeed, I do. I have a 45 automatic in the glove box.”
The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons.
She replied, “I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console.”
The shocked trooper asked, “Is that all the weapons you are transporting?”
The little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38 special in my purse.”
Finally, the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?”
And the little old lady smiled and replied: "Not a damn thing."
As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a concealed weapon permit.
Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask, “Do you have a gun in your possession?”
She replied in her crackly voice, “Indeed, I do. I have a 45 automatic in the glove box.”
The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons.
She replied, “I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console.”
The shocked trooper asked, “Is that all the weapons you are transporting?”
The little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38 special in my purse.”
Finally, the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?”
And the little old lady smiled and replied: "Not a damn thing."
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She found the most perfect shoes in the first shop, and a beautiful dress in the second.
In the third everything had just been reduced by 50 percent. Then her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in a critical condition in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to tell her husband that she’d be there as soon as possible. When she hung up she realised she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever shopping in these boutiques, so she decided just to look in two or three more before heading to the hospital.
Anyhow she ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, “You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you! I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself shopping, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished because it’s likely the last shopping trip you will ever make! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And he will be your responsibility!”
The woman felt so guilty she broke down and sobbed.
The lady doctor then laughed and said, “I’m just pulling your leg. He’s dead…. Show me what you bought!”
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